Women can drive me crazy. Married women, especially. Just because we may have the ability to wield so much power over our husbands doesn’t mean we should. I have seen so many women take liberties with their “sixth sense” or “Holy Spirit whisperings.” Granted, we do tend to have leadings… we often have our fingers on the pulse of a relationship or be dialed in to a situation. We just get those “feelings” about things.
My husband hates “feelings.” His disdain for it because he’s a man who hates yucky love gushy stuff but because he grew up surrounded by people who manipulated others based on their proclamation of that word. He was quick to dismiss my “feelings” when we were first married. Those moments that I hesitated- for whatever reason- on things. I had a bad feeling and let him know. However, he learned quite early that those feelings should usually be counted for because they were warning us to be prudent when a situation called for it. I have been thoughtful to let him know when my hesitation is because I am just freaking out (HUGE fear of commitment I’m working on) or because there is more to the situation than we know and should just wait.
Today we had one of those situations. I tried to be gentle and kind and gracious and tell my husband that I thought prudence over a situation would be good. I think he wanted to get defensive. Sure, he had every right to be irritated with me when he was in the right over something at work. He had every right to get upset and irritated at work, but I begged caution. “I am pulling the wife card!” I announced.
It’s okay to pull the wife card as a ref throws a flag down on a bad play (football reference- woot woot!). We, as women, need to do it with respect and care. Have you watched a sporting event where the referee does seem to get a little too happy calling penalties? Sheesh, ref, let’s just get on with the game, you think. That’s what your spouse thinks. If you go “throwing your wife card” around too much, he’s going to get irritated. He will likely want to play right through the next time and not give credence to your thoughts.
As I pulled the wife card today, I agreed with him. He was in a crappy spot dealing with one of his co-workers. And, yeah, the other guy was totally in the wrong. However, I implored my dear husband to proceed with caution. I just had one of those feelings that if he confronted his co-worker immediately, the situation would blow up- even if my dear husband was in the right. He surely didn’t want to wait to resolve the situation, but (as a third party observer) I could see that waiting was a good idea. We don’t always like to wait on things, but sometimes waiting can be an invaluable decision and thing to do. Yes, waiting is still a verb!
I was respectful of my husband in my advice and didn’t try to throw my weight around. I didn’t try to guilt not belittle him. I was bold with him and spoke with authority. And, he agreed. I think it was reluctantly, but he agreed.
No matter what stage you are in life, you have power over someone or something. We shouldn’t use that power to fear or manipulate someone. We should always strive to treat people with respect. We wives are acutely aware of our husbands. It’s my job to know him. It’s my job, too, as a helper to bless him and speak with wisdom to him. It’s his job to know it comes from a good place… and to know I am not abusing my position but know I have his best interests in mind every day. “She does him good and not harm all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12).
Please be wise when using your wife card. Or, your husband or parent card. Use it with love and the receiver will appreciate the words you have spoken over them and their situation.
Happy Monday, L