Written- May 31, 2014
We had a lovely Shabbat dinner with friends last night and great conversation after. It’s one of those great couples relationships that are hard to find. Wives like each other, husbands like each other, each wife gets along with each husband, and a good dynamic overall. A rare five dimensions of two couples- or seven, when you take into account that both couples get along in their perspective marriage!
Part of our conversation still intrigues me- twelve hours later. The wife talked about Predator and Prey relationships. She has this theory, which she has yet to disprove, that the majority of relationships are ones of predator and prey. There is usually a dominant personality and a more passive personality. Sure, there are predator-predator in which the couple is constantly butting heads and fighting. Passionate and intense is how you’d describe it most often. There are some prey-prey relationships, too. You know, like, that one couple, right? Met at fifteen, married in college, will live blissfully and peacefully ’til they’re ninety-nine. Not a care in the world couple. How sweet, and unrealistic for most couples.
As she talked, I knew instantly that Joseph and I are predator and predator. However, I have molded after a prey to make our relationship more fulfilling and enjoyable. Sure, my horns come out, and we occasionally still have our scorch-the-earth-and-poison-the-wells moments (though, oft with less ferocity than they use to). I really try to bite my tongue, take a step back, and not lead the relationship head strong. I married a Command Man. He’s a no-holds-barred and take no prisoners kind of man. He’s a leader, and he’s driven. I knew quickly that Joseph is a my-way-or-the-highway and you’re either with me or against me- kind of guy. I LOVE (and sometimes cannot stand) that about him. But, for better or worse, that’s the man I want.
I think of my earlier years in relationships. I was a predator. I enjoyed the thrill of the hunt and going in for the kill. Or, rather, going in for the conquer. I think back on dozens of relationships this morning. Yep, I was the predator, and he was the prey. Yep, predator-prey. Predator-prey. I Rolodex them in my mind, but pause at a couple. My favorite relationships where when I was dating a predator! Just a handful of boyfriends that I truly respected. Just a few guys that I couldn’t walk all over, who would tell me no, and wouldn’t let me get away with anything and everything. I admired that. I respected that. I wanted that. Those relationships were my favorites. Yes, as much as I LOVE being in charge, I love being with an in charge man more. I mistreated a lot of relationships in my young ignorance, but I valued the relationships that had healthy boundaries.
I agreed with my friend. Predator and prey. My predator nature slinks into a prey for the balance of my relationship and marriage. I still tap into the rush sometimes and unleash that nature in my workouts, feel the need to tame it when I drive, and also access it in business. My predator nature is there, but now I manipulate it to have a better life and relationship than ones I had before. I appreciate the prey role I have accepted. My husband has never forced me into it, rather I realize that he should be the leader. Not me. “A house divided cannot stand.” And, I think of the analogy of a two headed snake. It’s an anomaly in nature and doesn’t survive long. I am valued even when my husband takes the lead. We have found a balance that works for our relationship. Predator and prey? Yep, I couldn’t agree more.
How about you? Predator? Or prey?
Happy Monday, L