happily ever after

I am determined to make our master bedroom more “adult.”  Okay, clean up you mind.  Maybe, I think I mean romantic.  And, like some broke college kid doesn’t occupy it.  I want to, want to, want to buy a bedroom set, but my desire is conflicted by one thing: I am cheap.  I don’t like spending money.  I don’t like high priced items.  Yes, even typing that sends my heart racing.  *GULP* 

Two Christmases ago, we updated our bedding.  My parents gave us some holiday cash, and Kohl’s had huge discounts on their fall bedding.  Score!  We can think my parents for grown-up bedding.  Then, we bit the bullet and finally lifted the mattress off the floor with a sixty dollar-ish basic metal bed frame from JCP.  Movin’ on up!  Our big purchase came just a couple months ago when we bought an inexpensive pair of nightstands- under a hundred for both- YAY!  Baby steps.  Yes, baby steps are how I’m dragging encouraging our bedroom to look inviting. 

Now, I am at it again.  I have been researching dressers and headboards.  Not sure how soon we’ll get ‘em, but I am pricing.  I want the best and cheapest deal possible.  But, we have lived without a dress for two or three years now, so it’s not necessary.  Plus, it’s just a temporary thing in my mind.  No need to spend hundreds now.  The words “someday” and “when we’re older” are magic to my ears when I think about when we’ll buy that lusted-after bedroom set.  It can wait.

As I scroll through Pinterest ideas, I have become quite smitten with the “Mr. & Mrs.” and the “I am my Beloved’s” and “Happily Ever After” decals that grace themselves above beds of many.  And, I get stuck on one: Happy Ever After.  Oh, sorry, “and they lived happily ever after.”  I know many of us smirk at that saying.  We accuse Disney of having us buy into a line.  We are quit to point out that the wedding day isn’t the end.  We see movie after movie of boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, some miscommunication ensues and boy and girl are ripped apart only to be brought back together in the final scenes.  That’s where the story ends: with a happy ending.  Yet some become jaded when happily ever after doesn’t find them.  When the love story seems to be missing the ink to finish strong.  When the leading man or woman doesn’t seem to show up.  Or, worse, they do, and you find out the wrong person was cast!  ha  So, you resent the happily ever after and say it doesn’t exist.

I think about that happily ever after, and I realize one thing is true: it’s not a promise.  Just because you say “I do” doesn’t mean it’s all rainbows, roses, and sunsets with long walks on the beach.  No, happiness is a choice.  Plus, it’s doesn’t say “they lived perfectly ever after.”  I know I have fallen victim to thinking I picked the wrong man to marry when we had an argument.  I know I have doubted my decision when the road is rocky, and I’ve come unprepared.  But, I have a choice, and I can still choose happiness.  I can remember happily ever after isn’t perfect, but it makes me better.  I become a better wife, a more loving wife, a stronger woman, and a wiser believer.  Life is not perfect, but I was blessed to find love.  That is reason to choose happiness and live happily ever after, no matter what the storms may bring.

Wishing you happiness, love, L

oh, honey bear

When I was in a new starter relationship with my now-husband, I tried a rotation of nicknames for him.  Hottie Hotpants was the original, and it still appears time to time.  I also tried, Honey Bear, Honey Bunny, Baby, and Sweetie.  Surely, a few more as well.  But, Bear is what stuck, so he has been my Honey Bear for a few years now.  Bear, for short.  And, I have been his Bunny.  (Super cute and sugary sweet, right?).

In the last year, I have started answering my husband’s phone calls with a syrupy sweet, “HI, HONEY BEAR!”  I want to always eagerly receive his phone calls and have calling me be a joy in his day.  I do love having him call!

I remember it started one day when my (former) friend D told me about her and her husband.  She had nagged asked him to empty the dishwasher repeatedly.  When she called him later that morning, he answered, “I know, I know.  I should have emptied the dishwasher.  I am so sorry.  I forgot.”  What a crappy way for a husband to expect a call from his beloved!  She told me she called him specifically to discuss the dish situation.  Now, I know how the girl feels, but come on: it’s just the dishes!  Do you want to disrespect your husband and treat him like a child over dishes?!  I have a happy marriage, and I’d like to keep it that way.  So, from that day forward, I answered the phone with great expectations whenever my husband called, “HI, HONEY BEAR!”  Sweetness, adoration, and love just oozes through the phone.

There was one awkward instance last year with my phone answering.  Unbeknownst to me, my husband got very sick at work.  His co-worker called me from Joseph’s office.  The phone rang, and I jumped to answer it, “HI, HONEY BEAR!!!”  The other line said, “Ummm…  This isn’t Honey Bear.  This is C…”  At the time, I admit it: I was mortified!  Oh-emm-gee moment, if you will.  I think I may have shrunk that day.  Later, though, I thought: I am glad I answered the phone with love.  I am glad I look forward to my husband’s calls.  It would have been awkward if I talked provocatively to him.  Or, more awkward: scolded the expected husband through the phone.  Yikes.  That would have been an uncomfortable call.  And, I wondered later: I wonder if C went home to his wife asking her why she didn’t greet him overjoyed?  He knew marveled at my dear Bear.  That what most men want most.

Today, I absentmindedly answered the phone.  Oops.  “Hello,” I said.

“What’s wrong?” my dear Bear asked.

“Nothing.  Just working.  Why?”

“You’re suppose to call me Honey Bear,” he lamented.  “That’s how I know you love me and that everything’s okay.  And that you are not mad!”

I smiled, “Sorry, Bear…  Hi, Honey BEAR!  So glad you called!”

When Honey Bear’s happy, everyone’s happy.  So, I’ll keep pouring sugar through my phone every time he calls.

Hope you keep your marriage sweet, too.  Love, L

 

quick wit

A friend of ours recently admitted to my husband that he is a “Greek in a Moroccan body.”

I laughed, of course.  And, without missing a step, I asked my husband, “Did you tell him you’re a Jew in a rockin’ body?”

Always think highly of your spouse, and treat him as such.  All of us have insecurities, even our strong men.  So be sure to be in the habit of building him up and not tearing him down.  Adore the man you married- I do!  He may think it corny, but he will appreciate it.  He does!!

 

 

his and hers

I use to love everything “His” and “Hers”- so cute for newlyweds, right?  Or, throughout marriage?  The embroidered towels, the fancy pillows, and name plates on closet doors.  Yes, I was a big fan of his & hers in my twenties.  Things have changed.  And, you’re gonna think I’m crazy, but I am not a fan.  And, I think it’s divisive.  Insert your eye rolling now, but I’ll explain.

I like the thought of “Ours.”  I am still getting use to the fact that my “husband’s” laptop is actually “mine” or “ours.”  Joseph bought the laptop I’m typing on over five years ago.  Actually, he bought it the week we met (awww).  I actually thought of mocking him for keeping it in the original box.  (What a nerd!  Traveling around with the purchase box!)  It’s a good laugh between us now.  Oh, yeah, back to the story…  It’s just so ingrained in us to remember what was his and hers before we entered into marriage.  Even married, there are books I bought and games he’s bought that I have to remind myself are all ours.

The majority of fights my husband and I have- and I think I’ve mentioned this before- are when I don’t feel like we’re a team.  Team Bauer.  That’s what I signed up for.  So, when he disregards my insight or makes large decisions without my wise counsel (*snicker*), I am usually more upset that my opinion wasn’t counted for than the decision itself.  I want to feel loved and valued in my marriage.  I don’t like when I feel like he’s in single-guy-mode and making big decisions with me.  Sure, end of the day, I am usually a submissive wife and agree in my house that his-word-goes, but I at least appreciate when I am appreciated.  He’s getting better at listening to me, too, after seeing I am not “against him” but for us and our future.

So, why would I have an array of his & hers things?  Divorce, at its core, is a dividing of assets.  I guess having things labeled makes it easier?  If you love and have his & hers items, feel free to keep loving them!  I just implore you to think of not labeling your items, cute and innocent as it may seem, but have them (labeled or not) be “ours.”  Focus on filing your homes with items you both love or represent your relationship.  Work on keeping your union strong and satisfying.  Be content on the items you own as a Team.

Happy Saturday,
Laura

quick hello

Good morning!  No, I don’t usually check in on Tuesdays, and, yes, I have missed a couple of posts.  What do they say about good intentions???  I had them in regards to letting you know I’d be off for a few days.  The hubbie and I took “the plunge” and did a Disney World trip and got back last night.  I hope to list my pro’s and con’s later, but I’ll share a few pics right now…

 

photo 1

SPOILER for the underage…  You know, I know there is a human, likely a teenager, dressed in these costumes.  But, I was elated when Tigger waved at me!!!  Yes, Disney has the ability to bring out the four year old in all of us.  This pic was after hours of being soaked in rain and while we were deciding what to do next.  FYI- chilling out in sweats at the hotel won!

 

photo 2

I got a GREAT deal staying at the Disney Dolphin.  Advice: Price varies throughout the year, so get to know what’s a good deal and what’s not.  And, two: buy through Expedia.  Yeah, I know a lot of people like a lot of sites, but Expedia’s my fave.  I love the look of their website and the ease of navigation.  Plus, you often get your hotel “free” (okay, discounted) if you stay at least three nights and book it with your flight.  That’s how I save the most money planning our trips.

 

photo 3

Me and Mr. Bauer!  Near the end of our day and end of our trip, I thought, hmmm….  We don’t have any photos of us?!?!  lol  Actually, we didn’t take nearly as many photos as we normally do, so I took this one.  We took this pic after dinner at the Tusker House (amazing, we love it- our one true splurge dinner every time we go) and an unfruitful quest to find the sea otters (who are apparently on holiday while Disney’s Animal Kingdom has some updates) yet minutes before a torrential downpour.  It was sprinkling on our way to the buses and was pouring not a minute after we hoped on.  WHEW!  We couldn’t wait to spend the night in getting warm!

 

photo

Our scores on Buzz Lightyear’s ride in Disney’s Magic Kingdom.  Mine is on the left; Joseph’s on the right.  This will (most likely, and I would bet on it) NEVER. HAPPEN. AGAIN.  Totally.  By sheer luck (’cause I, honestly, don’t know what I’m doing), got a point-loaded target in the first few seconds.  So, I took a pic of my score.  Seriously, I just pulled up last time’s score: he got 470,500!  And, 578,999 that same weekend!  Another time, I got 103,900, and he got 338,000.  Hmmm…  maybe his “gun” wasn’t working, or, maybe, he threw the game.  But, I had to get a shot of the moment I beat my gaming husband playing a game.  Yes, we are still happily married!  *SMILE*

Hope you enjoyed a few pics.  More stories soon, love, L

something nice to say

I am not a huge fan of Facebook.  I have an account.  I check it almost daily.  But, I am not a fan.  It is good to check up on friends and family and see photos of my niece and nephews, but I don’t care for it overall.  I am a cheerleader at heart.  I feel like I should “Like” every post, comment on numerous statuses, and be a kind and uplifting person.  However, not everyone uses the site for encouraging words and posts.

I get so sick of the self-indulgent selfies of my thirty-something friends.  Yes, it works occasionally.  No, I don’t want to see them daily.  I feel bad, too- how much affirmation does one person need in a week from outside sources?  Oh, and some of the pics people post.  Oy vey.  Honestly, do you not realize it’s unflattering?  And, not every photo you take of your sweet little angel needs to be uploaded.  Not every photo is a good one, and no one has the time to comment through three hundred pics.  That goes for your vacation, too.  I am happy for you and excited for you, but I need a week off from work to look through the thousands of pics you’ve posted.  Please, upload a couple a day or maybe a dozen to an album.  Any more is overkill.

Today, as I skimmed and commented in usual fashion, I scrolled to a post that I didn’t know what to say.  I retorted less than kind remarks in my mind.  Hmmm…  I should be kind, but then my thoughts sounded passive aggressive.  Yeah, they were.  I debated and deliberated in my mind then remembered some age-old truth: “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  So, I didn’t say anything.  I figured I could come back later with a kinder heart and kinder response.  They’d be none the wiser, but I displayed wisdom.  One less fight over Facebook?  It’s a win for everyone.

Sweet dreams and good night, L

predator and prey

Written- May 31, 2014

We had a lovely Shabbat dinner with friends last night and great conversation after.  It’s one of those great couples relationships that are hard to find.  Wives like each other, husbands like each other, each wife gets along with each husband, and a good dynamic overall.  A rare five dimensions of two couples- or seven, when you take into account that both couples get along in their perspective marriage!

Part of our conversation still intrigues me- twelve hours later.  The wife talked about Predator and Prey relationships.  She has this theory, which she has yet to disprove, that the majority of relationships are ones of predator and prey.  There is usually a dominant personality and a more passive personality.  Sure, there are predator-predator in which the couple is constantly butting heads and fighting.  Passionate and intense is how you’d describe it most often.  There are some prey-prey relationships, too.  You know, like, that one couple, right?  Met at fifteen, married in college, will live blissfully and peacefully ’til they’re ninety-nine.  Not a care in the world couple.  How sweet, and unrealistic for most couples.

As she talked, I knew instantly that Joseph and I are predator and predator.  However, I have molded after a prey to make our relationship more fulfilling and enjoyable.  Sure, my horns come out, and we occasionally still have our scorch-the-earth-and-poison-the-wells moments (though, oft with less ferocity than they use to).  I really try to bite my tongue, take a step back, and not lead the relationship head strong.  I married a Command Man.  He’s a no-holds-barred and take no prisoners kind of man.  He’s a leader, and he’s driven.  I knew quickly that Joseph is a my-way-or-the-highway and you’re either with me or against me- kind of guy.  I LOVE (and sometimes cannot stand) that about him.  But, for better or worse, that’s the man I want.

I think of my earlier years in relationships.  I was a predator.  I enjoyed the thrill of the hunt and going in for the kill.  Or, rather, going in for the conquer.  I think back on dozens of relationships this morning.  Yep, I was the predator, and he was the prey.  Yep, predator-prey.  Predator-prey.  I Rolodex them in my mind, but pause at a couple.  My favorite relationships where when I was dating a predator!  Just a handful of boyfriends that I truly respected.  Just a few guys that I couldn’t walk all over, who would tell me no, and wouldn’t let me get away with anything and everything.  I admired that.  I respected that.  I wanted that.  Those relationships were my favorites.  Yes, as much as I LOVE being in charge, I love being with an in charge man more.  I mistreated a lot of relationships in my young ignorance, but I valued the relationships that had healthy boundaries.

I agreed with my friend.  Predator and prey.  My predator nature slinks into a prey for the balance of my relationship and marriage. I still tap into the rush sometimes and unleash that nature in my workouts, feel the need to tame it when I drive, and also access it in business.  My predator nature is there, but now I manipulate it to have a better life and relationship than ones I had before.  I appreciate the prey role I have accepted.  My husband has never forced me into it, rather I realize that he should be the leader.  Not me.  “A house divided cannot stand.”  And, I think of the analogy of a two headed snake.  It’s an anomaly in nature and doesn’t survive long.  I am valued even when my husband takes the lead.  We have found a balance that works for our relationship.  Predator and prey?  Yep, I couldn’t agree more.

How about you?  Predator?  Or prey?

Happy Monday, L